Cryptic and Angsty.

Day 2: Your First Love

Goddamn, if there were ever a subject that is difficult to define. Even more important than figuring out which love was 'first', is which, if any of my past relationships even fall into that category. Also, would you define "your first love" as the first person you loved, or the first person you shared mutual love with? I haven't exactly had many relationships, but each one had a surmountable degree of awkward to them. I've had relationships that I can easily brush off as poor judgement or hasty starts, that almost always ended with me just loathing the person and phasing them out over time. However, it's just as easy for me to single out the first instance where the guy genuinely meant something to me, and where that feeling never went away, but only got more and more intense.
Forgive me, but details are not my favorite thing to reminisce in this context. I will say that I spent a disproportionate amount of time building up to this relationship to the time I actually spent in it. My feelings had built up for a good four years, sometimes on the backburner, usually in the front of my mind. When it seemed like I'd squandered enough time and chances I took a risk, and it ended up paying off. This thing was not perfect. There were issues among various third parties, and the guy himself had not ended up being the same one I fell for (four years of high school can change a person). But relationship-wise, it was the most glorious few months I've ever had.
We had similar interests on nearly every spectrum, everything he wanted to do I was up for, and vice-versa. Every insecurity I had was immediatly put to rest. This was the only time I felt genuinely cared for and thought about. A day came when I really couldn't handle being alone, so a class was skipped in favor of getting ice cream and seeing a movie together. He's still the only guy to ask me if I wanted to see the stars with him, then actually deliver on it. There was even a goddamn metal rose constructed from a can of Dr. Pepper. I had become so accustomed to all the little things that it never occurred to me that I'd be missing it in the future. I have no desire to discuss how all of this was ripped away from me, but I will make it known that when I did end it, it wasn't because I was ready.