I may seem fairly mild-mannered to the casual observer. The truth is I'm an incredibly angry person. You could say I'm a few manners away from kicking every fucker I see in the mouth. Manners and years of simply dealing with shit, years that have left me pretty much callous to whatever setbacks life doles out. I won't whine, give up, bitch or complain to pretty much anyone, but god help me, I will blog.
In case you haven't guessed, the theme of this post is Day 12: Pet Peeves/OCD Habits and my pet peeve is the general population. My OCD habit is holding in all the rage.
*Cracks knuckles*
First I'd like to quote Scott Adams, cartoonist of Dilbert, on one of his more revolutionary discoveries:
People are horny, selfish and stupid.
Now the first item isn't really an issue with me; sex is good for you, and it can be good for others and have little consequences as long as you can be smart about it. But therein lies the problem. When you throw in selfishness and stupidity you basically get this:
How have I still not seen this movie.
In my opinion, the majority of people are pretty stupid. That's mostly because I'm stuck up and think too much, so I end up feeling that other people don't think enough. Sometimes its not their fault, and I can understand that. Some people are just born slower than others. I'm not saying I'm a genius. Some higher math concepts still elude me. In order for me to see someone as intelligent, they must only be thoughtful and have common sense.
Selfishness is more difficult to get away with. It's lack of concern for others that makes most people do reckless things. Surprisingly enough it's also easy to be intelligent and defend being selfish. Why should I give a shit about a bunch of retarded assholes? I admit it, and that's what makes all the difference.
Take varying amounts of these qualities, add some lust for attention, and you get the "Poser":
Or "LOL I totally watched ALL the Harry Potter Movies. I'm such a Nerd."
Let's look at the opposite end of the spectrum. Some people are just a little too "smart". Go further and add hypocrisy, denial, and a whole lot of smug. You should then have yourself a "Hipster":
Because as long as she's heard of it first, she's better than you.
The labels go on forever. And if it can be labeled, it can be hated. Even I am guilty of most of the elitist behaviors that make a hipster. Its okay because I cover my ass with plenty of self-mockery.
I like to think that once you've reached the level of mocking the people who mock hipsters (who are the people who mock posers) you just stop giving a fuck. Everyone needs someone to mock, because it makes them feel cool. No matter how high on the satire food-chain you think you are, there will always be someone who thinks they're just "on a different level" than you. It's just human nature. And pretty much all humans suck.
I regard pets with pretty much the same attitude as I regard children. I don't like too much responsibility, especially responsibility over another living thing. I will admit pets aren't as daunting of a burden, so I'll probably be able to handle one in the future.
I could never deal with keeping something like a dog, for several reasons. Large dogs scare the crap out of me, and small ones just plain annoy me. They are wet and loud and can potentially destroy my possessions. I find some puppies cute, but that's usually where I draw the line. I've learned to be civil with dogs, but I would never want one.
The obvious alternative is cats, right? Not so fast.
Let me make one thing clear, I love cats. They are the closest I will get to considering having a large-ish animal kept in my home. As awesome and adorable as they are, they still pose the threat of tearing up furniture, knocking shit over, and pissing/shitting everywhere.
I'll never understand this scenario: someone's pet shits in their house, and they just clean it up and scold the animal. I would have no patience for that. I would dump the animal somewhere else and mentally chastise myself for thinking it was a good idea to get it in the first place. SOMETHING JUST SHIT IN THE HOUSE. I am not a nurse. I will never interact with shit and think it's okay.
Plus cat piss is one of the most unholy smells known to man.
So now that you know what sorts of animal I won't tolerate, what's left? Rodents creep me out, and maintaining an aquarium for fish is too much of a pain in the ass. Thus, my perfect pet:
Hey if Chloe gets a dog, then I get a spider.
Not sure if I'll want a tarantula, or some other kind of spider, but it has to be a manageable size. You know, so it won't get blown across the room when I sneeze.
This is actually an animal I would get excited about keeping an enclosure for. I know some people are creepy and like to let their spiders roam around the house, but I'm occasionally going to have company, and not everyone is as crazy about spiders as I am. He would get a really pimped-out mini desert landscape, probably kept in my room.
Tarantulas are a good choice for me because they pose minimal expenses, and minimal damage to your stuff. They even come fuzzy for you touchy-feely types. However, they are not without risk. A tarantula will bite if it feels threatened, but it will give lots of warning beforehand, and a bite is usually no more serious than a bee sting.
I once found a really chill tarantula outside as a child, and I kept it around for a few days. I made the mistake of keeping it outside though, and the poor guy was eaten by a bird. Sad day.
I've always found spiders to be really cool. I think their design is graceful and elegant. The best part is, tarantulas do not actually shit. They simply spit out the dry bits of their prey that they couldn't suck up. Best pet ever.
This entry was inevitable, really. Getting into a web-epic soap opera like Homestuck makes it hard to resist spouting incomprehensible plot-jargon at every poor soul close to you. But let's face it. This shit's just too damn nerdy for civilized conversation. And that's what the Blog was invented for.
What is Homestuck?
This is the part where I pop on my hipster glasses, sniff smugly, and say,"It's really obscure, and you've probably never heard of it." Maybe I'll get ballsy and add,"It's probably too much for your attention span."
Too smug for you? I guess there's always this:
I got sucked into Homestuck by chance. It frequently pops up on Deviantart and 4chan, so I couldn't help but note its intrigue. But this wasn't enough to get me off my lazy ass and check it out. I actually stumbled the first page, so I gave it a try. At first I stuck with it because I wasn't taking it seriously. I pretty much just read when I was bored, and skipped any pages I found confusing/boring. It was just funny, clever, and entertaining. As I kept reading, shit went on to get more real than you could possibly imagine. Soon I couldn't look away.
You never know what you're going to get. The comic takes itself "one panel per page". But a "panel" of Homestuck can be anything from a crappy MS Paint drawing to a full-blown flash video to an interactive game.
It's drawback is that it takes patience and a genuine attention span to understand fully. Once the story picks up, it's like an internet version of LOST, confusing but compelling.
Day 10: 10 Things You Want To Do Before You Die I'm going to avoid references to the Bucket List. Just because I think the term "kick the bucket" is the lamest thing since My Little Pony.
That's right, Morgan Freeman.
But anyway, things I want to do before I die. More specifically, things I want to do before I get old and decrepit. Since I plan on living to 150, at least.
Travel. I'm Pretty sure this is the biggest one for everyone. Seeing the world outside of where you live is the most substantial pre-death achievement. Japan is my number one destination, followed by various places in Europe and South America. Maybe even Canada, we'll see. When my financial life is under control, I'll probably plan a trip to another country every year or two.
Live on my own for at least a year. I mean live completely by myself. While hanging out with friends brings me much joy, sometimes I have just as big a need for solitude. At times, sharing a house with anyone can make me feel stressed and crowded. Sharing a room would probably be even worse. Having a whole place to furnish, decorate and be in charge of is a must, just to see how it feels.
Own/ride a motorcycle. I just get this itch of jealousy whenever I see someone weave through traffic on a sweet motorcycle. They cost extra to own/maintain/insure, but most of these resolutions imply that I'll be making enough money to handle it. Plus I would feel like a total badass on one. Mine would be small since I'm small, most likely a Kawasaki Ninja (the same model from Kill Bill).
Have an EPIC wedding. Some serious shit would have to go down before I'm ready to commit to anyone like that, but I plan on getting married ONCE, and only once. This means it would have to be one legendary occasion. Whether it take place in Vegas, Mexico, or the moon.
Have a "Hangover" style Trip to Vegas. You know, without the roofies. This night would probably be my bachelorette party, but maybe not. It could be someone else's bachelorette party, or just a night of debauchery for the hell of it. Either way, it won't be complete unless we wake up with a dangerous animal in the bathroom.
Go to San Diego Comicon. Basically, it's Mecca for Nerdy people. For the full experience I'll need an epic costume. I've already got a to-do list of autographs to get, most importantly Jhonen Vasquez. Once I've done all this I can proclaim myself a "nerd" without feeling like a poser.
Someone's gotta do it.
Get more tattoos/piercings. Obviously. I love the creativity involved in getting a tattoo, and making it something entirely your own. Tattoos are important things because you will never lose them. When a tattoo turns out perfectly, I'm incredibly proud. Piercings and bodymods are in my future because they are metal, and I'm pretty fucking obsessed with metal. I don't think I'll stop until I qualify as bionic.
Join the Mile High Club. I got this idea from my roommate. And personally, fuck yes. Here's some more information. Also, check the "see also" section. That's going on the list.
Entertain myself with a bunch of near-death experiences. Skydiving, swimming with sharks, the basics. I plan to do several dangerous things for the thrill of it. I'd pretty much pretend that I'm Bella Swann, and Edward just dumped my ass.
Have a really kickass garden. This is one of my girlier aspirations. Even if I only end up living in an apartment, I want to have space for lots of plants. Ideally with tons of flowers, as I have a really lame weakness for them. I also had a pumpkin patch as a little girl, and I'd love to get one started again.
Day 9: Something that you crave Breakfast foods are some of the best man has to offer. Some have an entire day's requirement of protein in one serving. Some are just glorified desserts, and I love every bit of it.
By now it's common knowledge that your meals should start big, and get smaller as the day goes on. By that logic, I should eat as much as I want for breakfast with zero guilt, as long as I eat modestly the rest of the day.
I will admit, some mornings I wake up without much of an appetite. I'll feel like having something light, like egg whites. Then I come to my senses and save that sissy crap for lunch. To me, breakfast needs to be about overindulging. I figure the more I eat for breakfast the less I'll eat later, when I've got less time to burn the calories.
You know anything goes during breakfast because one of the most popular things to have is cake. Cake that's been drenched in sugary syrup and smothered in butter, and often comes with chocolate bits mixed in.
Fucking smart.
It's breakfasts of this caliber that take my inner fat kid and make her their bitch. It takes less than ten bites of pancake before I start to feel full. However, the meal hardly ever ends when I'm full. It ends when I hate myself. Each time I go overboard I swear off pancakes like they're the devil, but it doesn't take long before the effect wears off and I come crawling back like an abused lover. My personal favorite ass-kicking venue? Waffle Iron in Prescott Arizona.
Even an all-encompassing breakfast can't have everything though, right? Wrong.
A wise man once said, "You know what this needs? Booze."
