In which I use the word "shit" a lot.

Day 11: An Animal You'd Love To Have As a Pet

I regard pets with pretty much the same attitude as I regard children. I don't like too much responsibility, especially responsibility over another living thing. I will admit pets aren't as daunting of a burden, so I'll probably be able to handle one in the future.

I could never deal with keeping something like a dog, for several reasons. Large dogs scare the crap out of me, and small ones just plain annoy me. They are wet and loud and can potentially destroy my possessions. I find some puppies cute, but that's usually where I draw the line. I've learned to be civil with dogs, but I would never want one.

The obvious alternative is cats, right? Not so fast.
Let me make one thing clear, I love cats. They are the closest I will get to considering having a large-ish animal kept in my home. As awesome and adorable as they are, they still pose the threat of tearing up furniture, knocking shit over, and pissing/shitting everywhere.
I'll never understand this scenario: someone's pet shits in their house, and they just clean it up and scold the animal. I would have no patience for that. I would dump the animal somewhere else and mentally chastise myself for thinking it was a good idea to get it in the first place. SOMETHING JUST SHIT IN THE HOUSE. I am not a nurse.  I will never interact with shit and think it's okay.

Plus cat piss is one of the most unholy smells known to man.

So now that you know what sorts of animal I won't tolerate, what's left? Rodents creep me out, and maintaining an aquarium for fish is too much of a pain in the ass. Thus, my perfect pet:

Hey if Chloe gets a dog, then I get a spider.

Not sure if I'll want a tarantula, or some other kind of spider, but it has to be a manageable size. You know, so it won't get blown across the room when I sneeze.
This is actually an animal I would get excited about keeping an enclosure for. I know some people are creepy and like to let their spiders roam around the house, but I'm occasionally going to have company, and not everyone is as crazy about spiders as I am. He would get a really pimped-out mini desert landscape, probably kept in my room.

Tarantulas are a good choice for me because they pose minimal expenses, and minimal damage to your stuff. They even come fuzzy for you touchy-feely types. However, they are not without risk. A tarantula will bite if it feels threatened, but it will give lots of warning beforehand, and a bite is usually no more serious than a bee sting.

I once found a really chill tarantula outside as a child, and I kept it around for a few days. I made the mistake of keeping it outside though, and the poor guy was eaten by a bird. Sad day.

I've always found spiders to be really cool. I think their design is graceful and elegant. The best part is, tarantulas do not actually shit. They simply spit out the dry bits of their prey that they couldn't suck up. Best pet ever.